Ahg

I'm feeling sick. Just knowing something that I really wanted to know but, i still don't want to know. You know? Whatever though. It's not my life it's not my choice. It's not my problem. I shouldn't care. I know he does it so I shouldn't care. I just don't like it. I really don't like it. I don't want to talk to him but, I don't want to not talk to him. I don't want to ignore the BFFFFFL either because I haven't seen her in a while. Yet, she needs to talk to her boyfriend. And I need to talk to mine. I just don't want to talk to him like that. I don't want to talk to him when he isn't like he usually is. How I don't know what it feels like. And I don't want to. I hate people who do that shit. For example I don't like how my mother does it but, you know it's just how it is. Whatever, it makes me sick. I don't want to talk to him. It won't make things any better.

I want to watch that damn movie. I want to sleep and wake up in the morning and everything to have never happened that I don't want to know about. I don't want to feel the feeling that I felt on Tuesday. And I don't want to feel it tomorrow again because I got over it today. I don't want to have this knot in my throat of distrust and dissatisfaction. This knot that means that I don't like it. I really don't like it. And I have to deal with it. I don't want to though. I should be able to tell him but, I can't. I can't be that girlfriend. I can't be that crazy girlfriend, that controlling crazy girlfriend who doesn't let her boyfriend do anything. I should just give up. I have no one to talk to about this right now because Jenna is not replying and no one else that I've talked to gets it. And Taylor is talking to her man. And I don't want to leave this computer and not talk to him. Yet every reply I get, I wonder, and I hate the feeling of maybe and not knowing and if I do know then, there's no point. There's definitely no point. I feel sick and I should just stop and relax and ask to watch The Fountain. The confusing love story. beer pong great. done with this blog. Jenna replied, saviour

I have a headache

There's no point to being at school but, you know, WHATEVER. as long as i'm not around my nazi sister! haha. definitely sick of allergies. haha, i'm about to just pass out. no one is in here. whatever. don't care. uhg.

15 years and 337 days. I'm just going to round to sixteen now. Haha.

right now, i hate summer

My home bound-ness is going to get old fast. Especially when my boyfriend, well exists. My sister sucks, I don't understand why people like her, she's bipolar and hypocritical. And she talks shit behind people's back, i get it from her. And since she pointed out she was the one who raised me, it's pretty legit. Whatever. I want to go to the movies. And I'm going to (Being in "punishment" or not). I'm happy about school being done though even, if I have two D's. One is a miracle and the other is, well. My fault. I think it could be a high D because of the late test I took today. I'm not sure though. Oh well.
FML

I was stupid, I admit it.

Being woken up at ten last night to have my sister yell at me and end up hating me was something I could see coming, I regret saturday night. I really do. It ended up messing up more things then I could say. It messed up my trust with my mom who, will now pick me up after school for the rest of school and my sister said that I'm not allowed to do anything on the weekends. My sister basically hates me because I don't stand up for her and because I don't appreciate her. And I was at Stephanie's house on saturday night, doing stupid things. And saying things about her, well agreeing and saying stupid things, I guess that I'm just stupid for even being there with all the people that I know. I messed up my relationship which isn't going to last forever anyway but, I still like him so much. And now I can't even see him for more then a total of ten minutes everyday. And since there are finals wednesday through friday that's even less time along with the whole, no after school, no weekends thing. I think that my mom will get over it but it's up in the air with my sister. Young Life camp is still a maybe I have to go and work at my gmas house, I guess. I wish my mother hadn't brought it up around her, she's crazy sometimes. I hate how I now have to go home after school just to be alienated and wanting to not be there. My mother was fine with me this morning and I didn't bother my sister at all. I hope she doesn't ransac my room before I get home, whatever. I knew this was going to happen going there. I knew it was going to happen yesterday before i got home. I knew that because aaden's phone broke that I'm going to end up not talking to him at all. I knew all of these things yet, I still was just letting it all happen. Like my grades, the 25% that I can't fix. The two D+'s. The 3 B's. I hate my life, I fucking just want it to be over right now, everything to just leave.

Alast!

Messy curls, ahoy! After like, 20,000 tries today I have got the system down. Level 15 and twisting. It just works for my short hair. And even if it is messy, It's still cute to me, for the like 15 minutes it lasts.
"I'm do not look like my mother or my father, I look like a who!"
Quote of the day, amazing, amazing. I just kind of made the most sense out of everything. I'm going to create myself a story.
PS, I gave up on school. Like, I can only do so much to get my 3 F's up. But, two are fixable and one is dead. Sooo dead dead dead. Never again am I taking photo. I just don't like the structure of the class. I need to get like 5 prints done tomorrow! I need to write an essay tomorrow. I need to grab those pictures now. I need new eyeliner, mine is gone.
But, really though, I look like a who.
I really like my boyfriend.
Quans bonfire tomorrow? Let me tell you, I am going, even if I don't have a specific ride. Hahaha.

I love shorts.

last night was something. bittersweet would be the word, I think.
a lot of things happened that I wasn't planning to but, it's all bittersweet because there were many bad parts to it and some good ones.
i don't like it when by bf is around his bf. It pisses me off because he becomes a total dick and he knows. And he knew that after a bit I was pissed off because of what he was saying.
And it was bullshit. And I can tell he didn't really want me to be mad. but then i sack tapped him. So, even playing feild.
Eventually my mom came home and all was fine.
I'm worried that his bf's mouth wont stay shut. Or my bf for that matter.
Well, not really, the bf, he's pretty good.
Haha, anywho. I want it to be sunny again, i don't like wearing pants, I want to wear skirts and dresses and such. and shorrrts! I love shorts.
the hole i'm digging myself into sucks but, hey it's fine. All ready for this week.
WAIT.
sr. car tagging, I need to have some convos with people. haha.

Saturday:

It's P-day. PROM!
I need to help my sister, she deserves it. Senior Prom only happens once, you know.
My aunt is coming, haha.
I really don't like this weather though as a contrast to like, earlier this week.
Whatever with safety pins in hand, i'm done and i'm tired and I have nothing to do right now.

My it is blustery outside!

Indeed it is Watson! Now how chipper am I that the wind is a'blowin. That it is hotter then snot and it gets everyone all riled up. How frivolous the weather is. Hot, hot, hot! And then nothing less then you would expect rather then the thunderstorms coming in in the evening. As you know, living here like we do, there has to be some drama. Yes, come to the Western side of the Cascades and you'll get drama, drama, drama. The weather constantly is changing. I decide now that if it rains, I'm going outside to be in the hot humid rain. Maybe to get struck by lightning. Whatever my destiny is, I'm not all that sure but, just so you know. Thunderstorms a'comin' and it ain't stoppin' until the winds change and bring in more hot hot sun in the morning.

For all you Quitin Terentino fans, Bill (From Kill Bill vol. 1&2) or David Carridine was found dead in Bangkok, naked and hung from a curtain string. Disturbing and sad since he was filming a new movie there and it only started filming on Tuesday! Geewillicers! Depressing, I don't know if I can watch Kill Bill Vol. 2 anymore knowing that he's dead as a dormouse!

Anticipation overtakes me now, good'ay, goo'night!

[Will Write Later, I'm Sure]

I'm scared

of fat creeper guy who said i was cute. I hope he doesn't stalk me now. Ewww.
he's talking about some girls. naaaaasty.
boyfriend+me had a big short beating around the bush talk.
Whatever.
dueces!

After a nice 15 years and 320 days

of kicking ass, I decided to post this blog.
16 days of having a boyfriend.
3 days until prom.
10 days until my sister's graduation.
20 days until school ends (including weekends).
Late start tomorrow.
44 days until I turn 16.
The font on my computer is weird. There's like this certificate thing that keeps popping up, and I'm getting sick of it.
And I'm still weighing in on the whole Young Life Camp thing. I have to beg my family for money if I want to go because my mom isn't going to cough anymore up, at all.
I don't even know how I'm going to get a stupid WA state licence, she's a crazy beep.
And a selfish one at that.
I want to go tanning, I really would appreciate a tan.
Grades are killing me, and since I didn't go to school today... So screwed over. I missed my spanish test but, it's alright though. I can retake it after school. I need to really just take that CWI test, even if I do bad at it. I can just study my buns off and like, be chill.
Yahoo! Now?
brennawhatsgood@yahoo.com
okay let's go!

KAAAAABOOOM!

Screwed, screwed, screwed. Grades suck
going to fail like three classes;
english, photo, and Cwi
like really, screwed.
Cwi, I can fix. English I'm screwed over because I don't know how to write this stupid essay and give it to her, she like hates me.
photo I can probably fix if I work my bum off.
Like, I can put in like 5 digital shots real quick but, I only have like one b&w for my portfolio.
I can write the research paper real quick. I can definitely do the final. I mean it's due friday but, I think it will be fine. I just have to do it, like today. I don't know if I can fix stuff from last quarter in her book but, I can try, so I think I can get it to like a D. hopefully! /:
I just want to be able to drive too. But, manual stick shifts are the most terrifying thing ever. AND when the only time your mom lets you attempt driving is when she's not in the car when you're trying to go around a round cul de sac with a gigantic tree planter in the middle. I don't know when to effin clutch! Eff!
but, she said she wanted to get rid of the red dead car in our driveway and I'm like, what about me. She asked me if I would drive it and I said, it's a car, right!? It's just that it's broken and I can't drive without DRIVERS ED. still a lot of money for those who haven't check recently. EFF. I just want to be able to drive because then everything will be fantastic and I could just be like, oh I'm hungry, let me go get food!
And right now, I have to go and find some problems in panama. sheezy, there's like Noooothing!
Okay, probably will get on later.
/: